My Experience with "Compulsive Eating"

Look at me eating a small salad because I'm out in
public LOL

Lets get straight to it. I have a two main habits which I believe contribute to all my compulsive eating. Apart from that, I also have Borderline Personality Disorder which causes anxiety and a chronic feeling of emptiness that I try to mitigate with food.

The first habit is one that I believe a lot of people will be able to relate to. I have a bad habit of eating in front of the television. I watch mindless television,  zone out and  gorge. Not surprisingly, I have developed a  Pavlovian reaction where watching television makes me want to eat. Now, I watch a  lot of television, and end up eating a lot of food. 

The second habit started kind of because of my family. Growing up , family dinners meant dinner in front of the tv. The shows we watched together were  Hindi and Bengali soaps and I hated them. Soon, I could not sit and eat while those were playing on tv so I started eating alone in my room in front of my computer watching shows that I prefer. Therefore, this is the root cause. 

      
 Nowadays, if I eat a meal with my family at the dining table without the tv on, you know, the way it should be, I don't feel satiated. I feel empty. I have to come to my room , watch a rerun of  Friends or something and eat another meal all by myself. I frequently eat two lunches and dinners. 


Eating alone has developed in me a sense shame about the whole act of eating. When I eat with people , I eat neatly and appropriately. Most of the time, I stay conscious and careful and put up a front decent eating habits so that nobody feels gross while eating with me. But when I'm alone, the innate desire to gorge comes into play and I pig out on large quantities of food. The end result is me feeling worn out, bloated, sick, dizzy, stuffy, short of breath, craving more food, nauseous, sometimes I even vomit simply because my stomach can't take it anymore(most of my binge eating happens at night when the stomach is supposed to be resting). Its a very ugly cycle.

WHAT DO I EAT

My main diet comprises of rice, chicken curry, fried vegetables, sweets, aerated drinks , deep fried dough snacks and biscuits. 

Basically, I eat whatever I can get my hands on and these are the things I get my hands on most often. I eat a lot of protien in the form of various chicken preparations and I eat a lot of white rice and white bread through out the day. Bengali cooking uses a lot of mustard oil, sugar and salt. The food is usually fried and then boiled with spices like chilly powder, turmeric powder, bay leafs, mustard seeds, cumin seeds and so on. 

When I go out or I order in food, I mostly eat chicken rolls, momos, chicken pakodas, noodles, fried rice, cakes and ice cream. 

But I drink a crazy amount of aerated drinks. Way more than I should. 

I do however stay properly hydrated. I drink a lot of water, sometimes fresh juices and teas, one way or another I manage to keep myself hydrated. 

There's not much wrong what I eat. Its more about how much I eat and when I eat . I don't believe in avoiding food groups or not eating the food I love. Its  about eating the appropriate amount for your body.

EXERCISE:

I hate working out. I've tried gyms, swimming, dance classes, yoga, zumba, strength training and working out at home from YouTube videos, but nothing sticks.
I like walking but Kolkata is going through  a heat wave and I prefer staying indoors. 
I spend most of my time sitting or lying down in front of my computer. Occasionally, when I hear a catchy song,  I get up and dance around to it  and that usually works up a sweat. 


As you can see, I have created quite a vicious cycle for myself and it will take a lot of work to get out of it. If any of you are struggling with similar eating related problems, I hope this article showed you that you are not alone. Let me know in the comments how you feel about this article and what problems you have with your eating habits.
In my next post I will discuss how I plan on coping with this problem of mine.